Man, that feels good to say!
It’s funny, I can easily work myself up into a frenzy of self-doubt, trepidation, “I can’t possibly learn all of this stuff” anxiety. But I don’t. When it starts I just breathe and choose another, kinder and more peaceful approach. A Yogic response, right? One I feel more and more comfortable with as time has gone by, and the reason why I am so attracted to deepening my studies in yoga.
Yes, there will be hard work..Sanskrit? Anatomy? Tests? Essays? (WTF? I can’t possibly….shhhh….BREATHE!). I can do it, am going to do it.
I’ve been finishing books I have been reading, finally caught up on all my New Yorkers, am up to date on the TV shows I watch and finished all my binges. I’m off FB (god! what a great idea that was!) and am limiting my internet time as practice (still reading my blogs though, and will still write certainly). I only have one wedding set for the entire 12 weeks, with nothing else set in stone other than my grief groups. I know I have to, and will, make room for some AA meetings. I hopefully have enough yoga clothing to get me from laundry to laundry; I don’t imagine I will have much else to wash, or wear for that matter.
I’m as ready as I will ever be and am so excited to be jumping headlong into this intense, immersive experience . What a gift I am giving myself by signing up and showing up! I’m proud of me, this is a big YES. And it also fits so well with my word this year, my CURIOUS, because that is exactly what I am about this TT. So curious as to what I will learn, how I will grow, how I can be of service during and after it. My old story would never have allowed this, never have had the guts to attempt something like this. That story is useless to me now as I turn my life upside down for the next 12 weeks (well, actually 13, but we get Easter weekend off!).
There is a lot of SQEEEE-ing with excitement going on up in this joint! Thanks you to all who have sent supportive messages and been with me through the decision process and the disappointment when the first training fell through. This one is going to be very intimate, which is awesome because, more attention to me, right? HAH! But we all will certainly be more able to go deeper, practice harder and, yes, get more attention to our specific needs (I wonder if I will ever master balancing poses?).
The Training starts next Friday night, the 23rd. First night’s assignment is an essay on
“What is Yoga”. I believe it is meant to see how we personally view Yoga and that’s how I will answer it. Maybe I will post it here, who nows. In any case I’m sure there will be a lot of yoga talk going on over here in this blog, so you can drop me now if you’d like! It’s interesting though, how this also plays into a blog I wrote a while back asking just what my blog is, or means. Is it a sober blog, a grief blog, a yoga blog? I guess it really is a life blog; this is my life. I was going to say warts and all but you all know that isn’t true. There’s only so much we ever share, even on a completely anonymous blog.
But it is my life, and you know what? Life is pretty damn good.