I’ve done nothing of note on New Year’s Eve for years. When I was younger it was incredibly important to party, and I did so with the best of them. When Tom was alive he would laugh and dub it “amateur night”. Occasionally we’d go to dinner or to a friends, or have people over, but usually we’d stay in with the kid, have some special food and wine and watch the ball drop at 9 (so we didn’t have to stay up until midnight). After he died I don’t really know what I did, but certainly nothing much.
I’m not going to announce that this year was any different, but it did have some intentionality about it. My word for the year only popped up that morning so there was a post to write. I was determined to take Christmas down, clear the clutter, and so I did.
I took a special “Yin in the New Year” yoga class with a teacher I love, who, coincidently, spoke about our stories and our need to let go of them, detach from everything we think we know about ourselves and allow who we really are to come forth. Afterwards I told her that I had chosen my word just that morning, Curious, and that the synchronicity of that choice and her words was quite impressive. And it was.
So that was my NYE, lovely and accomplished and Zen. Perfect for me.
New Years Day I woke to a completely clean and uncluttered apartment and it really felt like a new start. I made myself a nice breakfast and got online to read emails and FB. I only had one plan for the day, which was another Yoga class. It was a special Restorative class with a sound bath. Now, a sound bath is a wonderful thing, at least for me. Singing bowls, gongs, other odd musical instruments….all washing over us as we move around, basically from one napping position to another! Restorative yoga is deeply relaxing but a sound bath can play with that a bit. Depending on the sounds all sorts of emotions come up, and many times they can be confrontational, you can feel angry or agitated, sad or sometimes elated and excited. It’s pretty awesome. Usually I start crying early on and just enjoy the hell out of it all.
I decided to post the info about the sound bath on FB and several dear friends came, which was such a treat (especially since they all enjoyed it!).
Aimee, who was playing the sound bath, spoke at the beginning of the session about setting intentions for our practice. We started by singing AUM together in a wave, just on going with no start or finish, each at our own pace. Prior to beginning the song she broke down the AUM for us. While the word is vague and basically untranslatable, a commonly accepted definition is that it is the sound of the universe. Aimee asked us to think of it in 3 separate parts, according to the sounds:
AAHHH….the sound of creation
OOOOO…..the sound of evolution
MMMM……the sound of dissolution
Then we were to choose an intention for each sound.
What to create in the New Year? I chose LOVE. What to have evolve in my life? CURIOSITY. What to dissolve away? JUDGEMENT.
Love and the judgment appeared in the moment, I already had the curious.
Oh how I loved that AUM! And since that class I think of my three intentions for 2015 very time I sing AUM, which is really an awesome gift for the New Year.
There was one other thing I did on New Years day that I’m pretty proud of. As I sat on my laptop scanning Fb, posting and reposting and reading about other peoples lives, I suddenly knew, clearly , that it was time to stop . Stop the vicarious living, the avoiding it helps me do, the judgmental and envious feelings I have at times on there. FB is, to me, completely addictive and serenity destroying. I had been talking about taking a break, but you know what?
I Can’t Moderate! (yeah, Duh, right?)
Yet I hate the way it’s been making me feel, I was lamenting the waste of time and completely unhinged by some of the comments that people make about political, religious, sexual…whatever! Like I said, serenity destroying and soul sucking. And, for the first time, I honestly felt done.
So I wrote a post, nice and clear, about needing to go radio silent. I asked for anyone who wanted my email or phone number to message me and I set a date. In the interim I have made sure I have the contacts I want, noted people’s birthdays (seriously, it was to the point that if it wasn’t on FB it wasn’t your birthday!). I figured those I want to keep in touch with will call, or write or email, and I will do the same. My friends that live close to me? We will go have tea for god-sakes, or talk on the phone.
My plan is to read more, go to movies, do more yoga, more meetings, be with people in real life, establish better connections, get into nature,get things done without procrastinating forever first. I plan to be curious about life and about myself. All very doable and more meaningful than sitting with my laptop, by myself, shutting out the world.
Today was the day I set. I felt scared this morning, all sorts of nervous.
Just before I started to write this post I deleted FB from my computer (it has been off my phone since November).
You know what? I feel free.