Christmas Day 2014.
Two nights ago I went back through my Christmas and Christmas Eve posts from years past. I wanted to see what I wrote, and also was sure I didn’t want to write another maudlin tale of grief and woe.
But today is Christmas without him, and I feel grief and sadness. I feel whatI feel and it’s ok.
I’m not going to go on here, write a lot. I decided to TBTH (Take Back The Holidays) this year and I did a fairly good job of it. I had some ideas that fell by the wayside; I just couldn’t muster up the, whatever, cojones to do them. But for the most part I was on an even keel. I know that my yoga and meditation practice has helped so much; I am very different than I have have been in the last few years. I accepted all invites and enjoyed pretty much every minute of the holidays. Yesterday was tough, the family over. I was distracted by them all, but when they left, as I was cleaning up, I realized I just needed to surrender. I called a friend who’s party I was supposed to go to and bowed out. I watched a couple episodes of The Office U.K and went to bed early. Next year will, hopefully, be better…because I only want to go up, forward, not down any longer.
Today is actually pretty good…yoga this morning helped. I will see my son in a bit, and some friends later.
But the sadness hits and I know I have to roll with it. I’m going to express it by posting a song today, by Saran McLaughlen. I know I am not the only one missing someone today, I am in good company. I am sorry for all of our losses.
And, for today, this is enough…
I’m sad. It will get better.
I believe that.