And This Is How I See You…

Christmas Day 2014.

Two nights ago I went back through my Christmas and Christmas Eve posts from years past.  I wanted to see what I wrote, and also was sure I didn’t want to write another maudlin tale of grief and woe.

But today is Christmas without him, and I feel grief and sadness. I feel whatI feel and it’s ok.


I’m not going to go on here, write a lot. I decided to TBTH (Take Back The Holidays) this year and I did a fairly good job of it. I had some ideas that fell by the wayside; I just couldn’t muster up the, whatever,  cojones to do them. But for the most part I was  on an even keel. I know that my yoga and meditation practice has helped so much; I am very different than I have have been in the last few years. I  accepted all invites and enjoyed pretty much  every minute of the holidays. Yesterday was tough, the family over. I was distracted by them all, but when they left, as I was cleaning up, I realized I just needed to surrender. I called a friend who’s party I was supposed to go to and bowed out. I watched a couple episodes of The Office U.K and went to bed early.  Next year will, hopefully, be better…because I only want to go up, forward, not down any longer.

Today is actually pretty good…yoga this morning helped. I will see my son in a bit, and some friends later.

But the sadness hits and I know I have to roll with it.  I’m going to express it by posting a song today, by Saran McLaughlen. I know I am not the only one missing someone today, I am in good company. I am sorry for all of our losses.

And, for today, this is enough…

I’m sad. It will get better.

I believe that.



Add yours →

  1. Hug from me. I am sorry you are sad.
    Take care.
    Sending you stillness and peace.

  2. Mish,
    Sending love to you. This time of year is difficult for so many. Take care of yourself. 🙂

  3. Sending you so much love right now. Hope you are feeling better after writing. And if you’re not remember you are doing this sober! What an accomplish. Dont ignore your sad feelings but make room for the pride you should feel for yourself.
    Xx, Mandy

  4. “But today is Christmas without him, and I feel grief and sadness. I feel what I feel and it’s ok.”
    Two beautiful sentences that struck me right at the heart. A friend *cough* (therapist) told me that exact thing…feel what you feel.
    Wrapping you up in hugs and love, Mish.

  5. Big hugs to ya, my friend. Glad you bowed out and took care of you.


  6. I love your candor, mixed with your success it really inspires trust. I guess the silver lining is that what you are sad about is not drinking-related, at least in the most direct sense. You’ve moved so far past that. Which is also inspiring. Thanks for writing.

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