Great picture, no?
Troubles like career disappointments. Too many kids, too little money. The drinking. The kids growing up and disappointing. The fighting. The strokes that began the slow decline for him, the Parkinsons and dementia that allowed her to live way too long in horrible circumstances.
But there they were..so beautiful and happy. Life and all of it’s glory in front of them. Who knows really what happened…how can you tell? I’m sure there was a lot of happy along the way, it wasn’t all bad though it might have looked that way more from the inside/outside of the children’s point of view. We lived our own lives even as children, four separate entities, two parental units. Not a close family, still not really. These two are dead, we kids attempt staying in touch but it’s not very successful. Christmas usually sees us sharing a meal; maybe this Christmas…maybe not.
I don’t really remember a lot from my childhood, and it makes me sad. I don’t think I am blocking things, certainly nothing terrible. I think I really was just disinterested. I’m sorry now. I wish it could have been different. I wish I had behaved differently on many occasions, but I also know I cannot live in the past, “regret it”, right?
I had this picture on my ancestor altar for Day Of The Dead. I spent time meditating, saying I was sorry, calling up specific amends I felt I needed to make. I cried a lot and mostly because I wish that they were here, or that I could have figured all of this stuff out before they died and told them face to face how sorry I was for some of my behavior. I trust they heard me though, I believe they did.
November 12 is her birthday, the 21st is his. I was just really feeling them tonite, and so this.
Things are good here you two. I love you. And I know you had your “shout of joy”.
On the day I die, don’t weep.
Don’t say she’s gone/he’s gone.
Death has nothing to do with going away.
The moon sets and the sun sets,
but they’re not gone.
Death is a coming together.
The human seed goes down into the ground
like a bucket,
and come up with some unimaginable beauty!
Your mouth closes here
and immediately opens
with a shout of joy there!