I haven’t been seeing it that way lately. I have been noticing the stories I tell myself that are false. Stories I have told myself for years and have come to believe, rely on, cling to and now see as completely false constructs that have held me up in many cases but that do me no good whatsoever.
Certainly though, there are those true stories too. Many of them. And I get the point of this, that owning our own TRUE stories does allow us to be ourselves and feel enough, feel worthy.
I am beginning to see that the only story I really need to hold on to is that my name is Michele and I am here,now. Each and every day I lose parts of old stories and gain new ones. And the old stories sometimes change as I look at them with new eyes, through a prism of acceptance and gratitude for them. Scales fall away and things get clearer and I am constantly rewriting my world. Right now I feel a lot of that rewriting is new, and glorious. The truth does that, acknowledging it. I am working on a post about one of those old stories that has completely been toppled and turned on it’s side. I have this urge to get it right, or as right as I can. I will know when it’s ready.
And therein lies the inherent danger of a challenge like this, my “post a day”. They can’t always be good, or can’t always say what I want to say, because sometimes that takes more time than a quick sit down the day before.
So I cop to just looking for anything to post about…that has been my day today. I intend to do this, it’s definitely possible, but the quality (in my own head, I know!) will vary and I don’t want to feel like I am just sloughing this off.
Yet, I will. It’s only the 12th. I am busy. There are things I definitely want to write about, and, as I write those things there will be filler and a lot of posts for posting sake. Some poems (and no, I am not stealing Christina’s World’s idea!) that I love, maybe some songs, more daring greatly posts, whatever.
The good news is in the sentence above. I am busy. My “Take Back The Holidays” (TBTH is my new acronym for this) challenge is also going well, and I gotta say I feel pretty good. AND….that’s how we tie this together, because one story I desperately want to change is my holiday story, and it is happening and while I don’t expect miracles I am cautiously expecting BETTER.
And that’s enough for me today!