Holy, Holy, Holy….

The Healing Time

Finally on my way to yes
I bump into
all the places
where I said no
to my life
all the untended wounds
the red and purple scars
those hieroglyphs of pain
carved into my skin, my bones,
those coded messages
that send me down
the wrong street
again and again
where I find them
the old wounds
the old misdirections
and I lift them
one by one
close to my heart
and I say holy
holy.

© Pesha Joyce Gertler

 

Beautiful, no?

And so very true for me.

I have been traversing those “hieroglyphs of pain” and “red and purple scars” lately.

Not for any self-punishing, fear filled, egocentric reasons.

I want to learn, I’m open to learn now. For so long those parts defined me and as I have begun moving out of those places of no into bigger yesses, I can finally and fully grasp how important, how holy all of those wounds are. How I can bless them and learn from them and un-define myself by them.

These aren’t new feelings, I look back through my writing here over the years and before and I see the gradual shifting, the little  “1 step forward, 2 step back” dances I have been doing. In the last almost 2 years, beginning with my willingness to let go of my house, things have speeded up. It’s been exciting and fulfilling and scary as shit.

But that is what saying yes does. It scares the shit out of you! Hah! It does though, that ego place that wants to hold onto you, your self. that part of you that can stretch limitlessly into the universe, into knowing, into love and connection. The ego cannot deal with that. It likes you small and weak, and as you (all of this..read I, me!) move away from it the screaming starts, the fear, the anxiety, the isolation. The fight begins. Get those dukes up because it is hard!

When you start emerging though, WHOA!  The possibilities are endless because our minds and hearts are endless, immutable. I’ve been saying, ultimately, to remember that we are going to die. I am fully aware of that, having those clear discussions in my life,  around death and grief. I have no fear. I am also aware of the time (if all goes well) I might have left in this body, “bumping into all the places I said no to my life” and knowing that now is the time to change that, change it all. This is what I have to work with, this beautiful brain and heart, body and soul. Whole, it is whole. Maybe banged up and bruised a bit but mine for now. It’s what I chose and what I honor.

The changes have started. They are on-going. The awakening cannot be stopped. The people are appearing, the books are manifesting, the YES is louder and clearer than the NO and the world is shifting. Those “coded messages” are useless now, and I have come to see that clearly. I have been shuffling them off, but now they are dropping like flies. Things are speeding up and I am holding on to only change and growth and acceptance.

Holy holy all the pain. Holy holy all the sadness. Holy, holy all the clinging to what was. Holy holy all the fear and anxiety about change.

After all the others are lifted to my heart, blessed and let go….

Holy holy the sacred Now, the Yes, the awakening

 

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4 Comments

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  1. Michele,
    Reading your posts is like following someone down a winding path- but that someone is carrying a BIG ass Magnalite flashlight- shining the way for all to see.

    Thank you for this poem and your shining wisdom.

    Fearlesskai

  2. Beautiful. Letting go of the ego to find yourself is a beautiful thing.

  3. Keeper. xoxoxo

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