This is a really hard one for me. I am and always have been a cup half empty kind of girl. Maybe I am inching into 5/8th full, but I am never going to be Susie Sunshine. I think I find hopefulness today in pragmatism, if that makes sense.
I am aging, things happen good and bad, we’re all gonna die. Trying to be the best we can be , here and now, is all we can do, right?
I think that there is hope in that message. Each day we do our best, we let people know we love them, we live as if it’s our last day on earth and take the joy we can from life as it presents itself. And there is a lot of joy and hope in every day, every moment we have here. Knowing that it can end in a second makes it more, not less important.
In my grief groups we co-leaders are asked to “hold the hope” for those going through the process. The hope that things will get better, or slightly less awful. That even though someone they love has died that life still holds sweetness and joy. And I always also hold the pragmatic view for them…that your hope changes, that even the word changes for you. And yet you can still find a reason to live and be helpful and useful and happy, not all the time, but most of the time.
In AA we hold that same kind of hope. That whatever happened before has the capacity to be changed with a new, sober perspective and that we get a new start, a chance to live a different way. And to be useful to others as we work on ourselves.
So here’s the song I chose, for me, today. I think it is both pragmatic and hopeful, reminding me to choose life even knowing that it is fleeting, an illusion at best, that hopefulness and hopelessness are just two sides of a coin and that we each, for ourselves, have to come to realize what it is we are willing to choose in each moment.
And then I have to add this, HAVE to. At one time in my life this was my favorite song in the world. I sang it constantly. It is definitely a more conventionally hopeful song, one that I loved as a child before life started happening. It certainly makes me happy even now though, as I remember that little girl who was full of hope and possibilities. She’s still here, just changed. I may have to dig deeper to find her but I get glimpses every once in a while and that is good. And it is certainly beautiful.
And Frank Sinatra. ‘Nuff said