What Do I Want?

That’s the great enigma for me now.

What do I want in general, and what do want  this blog to be in particular?

I’m asking because I am admitting to more and more people that I do this, handing out my “secret” address and am considering opening it up even more

So far it has been by invite only or  my random  friends finding it. No pushing, not FB or twitter connection, no effort. I just write.. Maybe I just spew.

But does that work? I am all over the place on this blog and most blogs tend to have a theme. Mine could be sobriety and grief, but then there’s yoga and spirituality and searching and dating and so many other things…life, I guess. Is it confusing to people?

Is that s good blog theme?

I don’t have the cute kids stories, or the husband stories…

I’m older and live alone.

I date, I don’t drink,I am reinventing myself in my later  years….I imagine there are more post to be mined there.

 

I guess I am writing this because I don’t know what to do. Like I said if you searched me, my name, this blog would not come up. It’s been private and I have used that level of private to write what I want and not hold back a lot. Would I have to change that? Would I be more wary, more circumspect in what I write? But then, why write, if it’s not the truth, if I can’t be vulnerable?

It’s a conundrum I guess, and one that I might like to solicit some input from all of you on.

I worry about shocking certain friend and family. I worry about being googled by a dating prospect and having them find this and dismiss me right off the bat…it has happened,and why I went private in the first place.

Do I need a narrower path? I like sobriety and grief because those are areas I can be helpful in,  but  I also like to be funny and pithy and, frankly, entertain myself as well as get out my angst.  I want to delve more into essay writing on particular subjects, lists, stories about specific events and who knows what else. I’d like to add more music and poetry and quotes to illustrate my themes.

I am really pondering all of this right now. I still have my storytelling goals too, and need this as a place to practice, hone them for maybe reading them somewhere. I have been looking into venues for that….too afraid to submit but that won’t always be the case, certainly.

I feel at a crossroads…either leave this small and solitary or open it up, let my truth out, let people know what I am doing. It’s a hard and scary proposition, and one I don’t make lightly. Input would help.

What do you like,and NOT like  about my blog and what I write? Themes that I wrote about, do they work? Is it too unfocused ? I am not looking for anything but the truth here, so don’t worry, I’m not easily offended and am seriously asking for feedback. And all of you…I know some of you by your real names, but does everyone? Do you tweet new posts, FB the info? Are you out as YOU?  I am curious as to why or why not.

There is a huge part of me that is just saying “fuck-it”, let’s put it out there, I have nothing to lose. Yet maybe I do? Maybe I haven’t thought of all I have to lose.

And maybe, like I said, it doesn’t matter. I can do what I want, throw caution to the wind, write my truth and let whatever happens happen. Why not?

Why?

GO!….

 

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26 Comments

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  1. Good luck!

  2. I think you are great writer. I have only email subscribed to a few blogs, and yours is one of them. This blog is your personal space to with what you want. You can make it whatever you want it to be. Or, you could take the creative side of you, and start another blog. Either way, it should be about what you want. You may loose some readers, and you may pick up some new ones. Either way, you are being you. If men Google you, and don’t want to date you when they find your blog, good, then you will not have wasted an evening with a chump 🙂

  3. My theme, way back when, was to stick with adventure. But now it’s a catch all of music, the friday polls. limericks, and anything else it occurs to me to throw on when I post.
    Your theme always seemed to me to be this part of your life that you’re in now, seen through the lens of your previous life.

    No reason not to add the creative writing mixed in here. If you do, it might make a nice balance between your stories, and the other stories you want to tell.

    • Thanks! You’re right of course. This kind of thing is always in a state of flux as are we all, right? I had a particularly “fluxing” day yesterday, confused about a lot of things, as we will be…

  4. What would you tell me? Because of course we’re on similar paths again.

    I think it’s hard to juggle multiple blogs with multiple personalities. I have the Words sites, but for the most part, they aren’t *my* words. I have a private blog for personal writing, but since I’ve started sharing more of my creative pieces on RoS, I haven’t used it as much.

    I say start writing (keep writing) what you want. Play around and have fun with it. I wouldn’t say you’ve blocked yourself into a corner or niche blog, so those of us fortunate to know you, tend to know several sides of you and enjoy all the different sides of Michele. Plus we all evolve. So don’t hold yourself back from personal growth.

    “There is a huge part of me that is just saying “fuck-it”, let’s put it out there, I have nothing to lose. Yet maybe I do? Maybe I haven’t thought of all I have to lose.”

    ^ a very close friend told me once, “no fuck-its. Fuck-its are not allowed.” It was and is brilliant advice. If you haven’t thought it all through, if you’re not totally sure, don’t go public, because you can’t go back and untell someone. There’s no rush. Take your time, open up your writing topics and styles, mention to friends as you see fit, talk to your son and those close to you.

    Baby steps. Don’t censor what you share, but consider whom you choose to share it with.

    I’m not sure I’m crazy about the idea of potential dates googling and reading your secrets and stories. I’d weigh that out some.

    But do branch out! I think maybe I’ll share another free write later this week–so I’ll be branching out with you.

    Hope this helped. xo

    • That helped a LOT
      Thanks Christy!…great suggestions.
      And I think it would be hard for me to juggle the multiple blogs too…which is sort of where this started. I don’t have a private blog but I have a dashboard for this one, and many posts don’t get posted….wrote one yesterday and that led to this whole thought process.
      And there were several other “near” fuck-its in my head, which made for an interesting few hours….
      sigh

      • oops…

        and yes, more free-writing!
        and another thought…

        i could have Mished-up twitter presence, FB presence….no one would still know it’s me, right?
        hmmm….

      • “Fuck-its are not allowed. No fuck-its.”

        🙂 Sometimes that whole one day at a time thing should be one hour at a time, huh?

        Whatever you decide for you will be okay… just baby steps until you reach a cliff. Then you can either jump, fly, sit or retreat. But no fuck-its.

        Love…

      • I have a personal FB, though it’s still currently deactivated. And Twitter I have as Christina’s Words. Twitter is all or nothing in its privacy–kinda like WordPress–either you have a private profile or everybody can see your stuff–and who you follow and who follows you. So if you follow personal friends, just know ALL that shit is public unless you lock it down. So like if you have a personal Twitter account and a blog Twitter account and you “follow” each other, then that is a public link to each other, make sense?

        I like Twitter for sharing and communicating with other bloggers and people with same interests, I just have to keep my personal life friends out of it lest the dominos start falling.

        I know I worry too much about that stuff, lol, but like I said, you can’t really go back and untell or undo.

        Ok–free write for you. ❤ prob on Thursday.

  5. Hey Michele,
    I read your post early this morning (5 a.m.!) and have been thinking about it ever since. Blanket praise is probably not helpful, but I LOVE everything you’ve written–both on your site and within comments. Your spirit, humor and pith already show and it would be cool to see more!
    This is YOUR space and I don’t think there’s any rules. I love what Guapo and Christy wrote and both make sense. I have two blogs (one for writing and one for pictures) and have contemplated a third just to “practice” a little more creative writing. That said, just having two feels a bit schizophrenic, so I’m letting the other just cook in my head awhile longer.
    I WISH I would have taken your approach to privacy rather than what I did. My first readers were only my friends and family–they all have the address and while I’m sure that they are bored and rarely read…it definitely tempers what I say. Now I wish that my hubby and kids were the only ones who knew about it.
    Christy has given me a platform to vent a little more privately, but even then my words are censured by the notion that my kiddos may read it some day.

    My favorite piece of advice is one that I’ll steal from Christy:
    “a very close friend told me once, “no fuck-its. Fuck-its are not allowed.” It was and is brilliant advice. If you haven’t thought it all through, if you’re not totally sure, don’t go public, because you can’t go back and untell someone. There’s no rush. Take your time, open up your writing topics and styles, mention to friends as you see fit, talk to your son and those close to you.”

    Personally, I can’t wait to see what’s next and pinky promise not to tell anyone till you’re ready 🙂

    PS: If you don’t already read him, Ned Hickson at Ned’s Blog (nedhickston.com) writes a Friday writing column. He’s a humorist, but his writing recommendations and practices are sound and grounded. His topic next Friday is social media and how a writer should or shouldn’t use. There might be something in there that interests you.

    • Thank you!
      going to check out the blog now (as you can see i am having an exciting Sunday afternoon!…altho I just may, ready for it? head to Target in a few!)
      Thanks for the kind words. I think I sometimes get mixed up with the things I do, or don’t do, because of fear, and then the things that make good sense, you know? But waiting makes perfect sense, and has no fear attached to it.
      xo

      • Mmm…Target. Thank goodness it’s on the other side of town. I never leave that place without dropping $$ for stuff I don’t need. (Please pick up some of that caramelly yummy trail mix stuff for me!)

  6. Unless you are trying to build a paying audience (and I don’t think you are) there are no rules. Seriously. Don’t we all have enough pressure trying to measure up to the standards of everything else in life? Maybe just let this one thing be ruthless, rule-less, uncouth, uncool–whatever. Would I still be doing this 10 years later if I listened to every piece of advice I ever read about smart blogging? Blogs die because rules about blogging kill them. The blogs that survive are the blogs that evolve, so at any given time you may be bucking the conventional wisdom while everyone else is conforming themselves into a coma. Yes, I tweet out every stupid post I put up right along with the brilliant ones (okay, so maybe I’m the only one who can tell the difference). All these Shoulds just make me crazy. Violent, even. A reader you lose by being real is someone else’s sucker. You’ll keep the readers who get it–who get you.

    Just one thing–don’t try and hide stuff in the interest of not getting pre-emptively rejected by a date who might read your blog. You’ll just be hiding the stuff that those dates will eventually find out about you anyway through the course of knowing you and no one wants to date your best behavior. They want to date you.

    I’m in the put it all out there, nothing to lose camp. I’m in the total transparency, full disclosure camp. I guess that counts as the Fuck It camp. I wouldn’t raise kids who couldn’t handle real life in all its realness and if my parents are embarrassed they have only themselves to blame. You already know I’m never going to tell you there is a right way and a wrong way. Because there’s not. That means some people hate me because I refuse to do fake, even for an audience. It also means other people love me because they can always count on me for no bullshit.

    The internet is full of bullshit. Find your own voice and learn to love the sound of its echo. Ten years later I am still loving this every single day while everyone who tried to convince me I was a hack is now writing about gluten-free muffins.

    Don’t just fuck it. Fuck it hard.

  7. Mished up – love your writing and don’t think you need a “theme”. Your theme is YOU and all the various creative, profound, silly, crazy, wise thoughts that make up you. So please don’t try to censor yourself to anything – I love reading your posts – whatever they are about. I find them human, amusing, profound, sad, uplifting,,,,,,,,,,,,,
    As for going public – I could never do that. Would totally box me in. I share different parts of myself with different friends in real life. With a public blog every vague acquaintance can read all about your inner most thoughts. Do you really want that? Obviously we are all different on this – so only you can decide – but as Christy says once its out there you can’t take it back. So I would be very careful about this. The worst that happens is that you feel over exposed and then close it all down – and I suppose I am being selfish and don’t want that to happen. But of course – your call. Just keep on keeping writing! 🙂

    • wow!
      how sweet, thank you so much!
      Such great advice all around. I found my twitter account last not (I have been a real Luddite around that) and it’s the same name but not tied to me at all….maybe I’ll tie those two together, we’ll see. No matter why I’m going to write what I want, that’s clear.
      After all these nice words I’ll probably never write again!

  8. So…I haven’t actually commented on your blog before (well, maybe once – I can’t remember now), but I read it faithfully. I get excited when I see a new entry, honestly. I know you’ve been busy with stuff as have I and we’ve kind of fallen out of touch…so personally I continue to read for a few things. First, I want to know where you are at with stuff and how you are doing. You do such an amazing job with your writing and expressing yourself (even if it’s “all over the place” at times like you say – that’s when it’s most revealing) that it’s extremely enjoyable and keeps me on the “up and up”. Secondly, because of how honest you are, it helps me focus inwards and often helps me see problems I personally had that I’ve been trying to figure out or a new layer of the cake to eat through, etc. Third…because we are a distance away from one another, I also use this to get to know you better.

    All that being said, I think you should be true to how you feel because that’s perfectly you.

    Thank you for all your writing here. I really look forward to it a lot. ❤

  9. When I started my blog in 2008, I went through the same thing — anonymous or out there, one blog for everything or separate blogs: one personal and one political, as people advised at the time. I opted for one blog, mixing it all together. It made me self-censor somewhat, but less as time went on. Even with all the personal stuff in there, the political posts garnered me a paid (poorly paid, but paid) job as an internet pundit for a while.

    During and after the divorce, the blog went dark, because it was too raw to write about. Then I had a couple of politically appointed jobs where I was told explicitly I could not blog. (Freedom of what????)

    Now I am back to blogging intermittently. Not very often, still self-censoring a little, and almost nothing about politics anymore (it’s complicated). Most of my writing time goes into my current book project, but I like to blog occasionally just to…I don’t know. Just to do it.

    I love your blog. I enjoy your writing, and the things you write about your life without Tom make me feel as though my heart is going to break. I think you are incredibly brave, and I will go on reading your blog whatever form you choose to let it have.

  10. Hi Michele,
    I hope you are doing well and that Spring is emerging in your world.
    I just had to tell you that I read this post again and still really love your words. In fact, if it’s okay with you, would like to reference it in my next Braveheart article for Christy’s site. No big deal if you’d rather I not…I just like sharing people’s best 🙂 You can let me know at your convenience. In the meantime, thought you’d like to know that I’ll be living vicariously through you…it doesn’t appear that any of my hydrangeas are coming back 😦
    xo

    • of course, reference away, always!
      Thanks for you kind words.
      I am so sorry about your hydrangea…maybe they’ll come back next year. I haven’t got one yet so don’t get jealous quite yet.
      Can’t wait for the braveheart!

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