Outed!

I have been sharing a daily intention in FB for the last few weeks.

I think I already wrote about it here, but basically a friend of mine was running with intention every day and I thought I’d give a shot at living with intention, since I don’t, you know, run.  EVER.

I have been enjoying the experience. Seeing what inspired me each day, sometimes a poem, sometimes a FB post or something in my email. Sometimes a feeling that I wanted to counter-act or celebrate.

The last 2 days I have intentionally not written intentions. It started on Thursday because I was up and running and, I don’t know, couldn’t really think of one. When I finally did think of something it was retrospective. I had been acting on intention all day but didn’t see it until the end of the day.  Yesterday, I  had the thought that I would just not do it. Missing one day didn’t rock me too much, and thought I should maybe go a few days without setting a conscious intention and see if the practice was really working for me.

See, I believe in practice. The daily things we do that become habits and work on us in clear or sometimes very subtle ways. For example, since last January when I started to eat differently I have often strayed from  the way I want to eat, but I have developed a fondness for breakfasts, big ones. It is a daily practice for me to make myself a healthy breakfast. Yes, of course there are some days it’s impossible, but not many.  I find it comforting. A good breakfast can hold me through no lunch. I have to get up earlier to have the time to make it. A good breakfast is now a practice.

I also write gratitude lists. Every day, at any point during the day I am feeling it, though it is usually at night. I do it via email with a bunch of women. I LOVE this practice! Life can turn on a dime, and constantly being on the lookout for gratitude is so important. It keeps me grounded in the now, I don’t want to miss a good thing for my list, and if I get too far ahead of myself I’m not grateful.  It helps me turn situations around in my head…where is the gratitude in this? Yes, of course there are things that seem impossible to find gratitude in. Sometimes just the attempt is enough. Sometimes not….gotta say right now I have four friends fighting various types of cancer, Not one, or two…FOUR friends. It sucks and I am sad and there is no gratitude yet. I am looking forward to gratitude when the nightmare is over for them. Right now the gratitude is, I guess, that there is world-class treatment available and that they are all so well loved and supported, by me and countless others.

The practice, however, still rocks. It’s also amazing to open email all day and see other lists, sometimes that helps me so much .

I am beginning a yoga practice, for reals. I said when I moved here, to an area where you can spit and hit 14 different studios, that I would. I spent a few weeks taking different classes on introductory free weeks and just recently bought a package of 20 classes at a studio I really like. I have done yoga 3 times this week….amazing to me. I also meditate. Not every day, not perfectly, but I do it and every time I do I get closer to that daily practice that I want, that I need, to stay calm and centered in this crazy world and, most importantly, in my crazy head! The yoga really helps me with that because I can’t think of anything else while practicing; I love it.

Anyway, to the topic at hand, the daily intention.

Today I got up and looked at my FB page and thought about whether or not I would post a daily intention. Did I want to take another day, discontinue the practice, think about it some more? As I sat there I felt like I missed it, so I started thinking about what the practice meant to me, what all my practices mean to me, and I realized that the biggest practice I do, daily is this:

IMG_2574

For 1000 days I have made it a practice to not drink.

One day at a time, for 1000 days.

1001 days ago that seemed impossible to me. A few months prior to that I had accepted the idea that I might die a drunk.

I’ve written about my sobriety here, this is no surprise to any of you, and I am so grateful for all the support that I have gotten from all my sober blogging friends (though I kind of hate that..I mean, we write about life, right? It’s all just life.)

Today, however, I posted this picture as my daily intention and talked about how staying sober has been my intention for the last 1000 days. That was kinda huge for me. I mean, I am now out and proud (and terrified) on FB.

Ok, I am not terrified.  Jesus, such drama! Actually I feel relief. I don’t think that it will be a huge surprise to most of my friends, although I’m a little curious as to how Tom’s family will take it.  However, as we all know, it’s none of my business what others think of me and, as we also know, probably no one will either care, or even read the FB post (OH, the ego!) right?

I feel good though, honest, open.

OPEN! As it gets close to the end of the year I am beginning to ready my a Word of the Year post….but OPEN was my word for this last year. I am serious when I say that I am just realizing all of this as I write this post, that I am ending the year of OPEN with taking a really OPEN action, one of many this year.

That really puts a capper on it for me, a sign that this was the right thing to do.

I feel free…

FREE?

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7 Comments

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  1. “One day you finally knew what you had to do …
    and there was a new voice
    which you slowly
    recognized as your own,
    that kept you company
    as you strode deeper and deeper
    into the world,
    determined to do
    the only thing you could do –
    determined to save
    the only life you could save.”

    Congrats on 1,000 days.
    Congrats to OPEN.
    Congrats to saving your own life.

    • ah, Mary Oliver…..
      I found that poem shortly after getting sober and have loved it ever since.
      xo Christy

      ps: I may be working on a quote-y, music-y post for my word of the year….or i may not. You are so good at it i am intimidated!

      • I can’t wait to see it, I hope you do it!

        Share the words that stir your soul. If you do that, it will be an f’ng masterpiece. 😉

        So happy for all that you are and will be. xxoo

  2. Congrats on 1k! What a great post. Looking forward to the word of the year…

  3. Congrats on 1000 days!! I am 43 shy of that 🙂

    It’s amazing how many of us start to feel free about this kind of thing around this time. Many of the folks I know, online and “out there”, start to care less and less about who knows and who doesn’t around this time. I am opening up more as well. The big one would be work, but if tomorrow it was known for some reason, I would be ok with it. I am not sure I would want the blog being read, but again, it is what it is!

    Anyway, I think that you are moving to the inner beat within. You’re heeding the quiet voice gently nudging you to go where you are needed. And doing what you’re doing – it seems so organic and natural. And I can feel that in your words here…the intentions shine through.

    Thank you for sharing this…this is very inspiring. And I am not just talking from a recovery point of view…because we’re talking about life, right? 😉

    Love and light,
    Paul

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