In October of last year, almost exactly a year ago, I took a road trip through the Southwest and headed for a wedding in Santa Fe, New Mexico. On that trip……well, I wrote this little paragraph:
I went to an old mining town which is now a hot art center, called Jerome today. I left Flagstaff and drove right there, passing through Sedona. The town was hopping, and there were some really nice art places, but for the most part the same-ish stuff I have been seeing everywhere. But I walked into a pace called the Zen gallery and saw work by the artist/photographer….and knew I was going to buy something. There was just no doubt. I was immediately attracted to 2 pieces, one very dark and one light. I bought the light one. There was a card of the dark one and he gave it to me, so in a way I have both. But the one I bought for myself spoke of new beginnings, of the circle of life and of change. I see it hanging in my house, but my first thought was how great it will look in my next place, my little apartment or condo, or casita. It truly is beautiful, and the splurge was worth it…my remembrance from Sedona.
I was remembering this while lying on my bed looking at the photograph. I never did hang it in my house, though I had it sitting on the fireplace mantel. Right now it isn’t hanging either, it’s resting against the wall it will hang on, above my dresser and in a spot where I will see it first thing every morning. It is perfect for this place, and it is the perfect reminder that something was definitely put into motion on that trip, and that now, a year later, I can look at that picture as tangible evidence of the shift that happened. That shift propelled me, in my dissatisfaction with my life, to actually opt for change, rather than hold onto what was already gone. It began a shift in perception in me, subtle yet so important, that led me to slowly start moving toward letting go of the house, the old life, the fear that kept me standing still. I guess the main shift happened almost 2 1/2 years ago when I stopped drinking, but all the other shifts have led me to this place, this moment in my life that just feels so good, so right.
I have no idea what lies in store for me. How long I will be here, whether I will stay in L.A., what other surprises and shifts the universe has in store for me. But I no longer believe that the universe is out to get me, to destroy me. I have been shown too many times now, through friends and grace, that I can choose to believe that the universe is my friend, that it wants the best for me, and that all I have to do is my best, be my best self, and all things will fall into place just the way they are supposed to. That shift happened when? I don’t know, but I am glad it did. It is so much easier to be in the flow than outside of it, to live in the now and stay centered there. And right now, this very minute, everything is perfect.
This apartment reminds me of that little casita that I stayed at in Sedona, the surprise that I could use it, the perfection of the spot and the respite it provided. I think I am going to be very happy here. It feels like home.