I haven’t written for a while, and am not going to write much now.
I just wanted to check in from my new world, my new home, and my little balcony where I am sitting and happily typing this.
I am seriously overwhelmed by the grace and love and help that I have received on this journey from my house to my new home. Everything has fallen into place so beautifully and so perfectly that I can hardly believe it, and yet it is true. And now here I sit, in the heat of a warm California evening, on a little balcony that I can tell is going to be my favorite new place. I am back plugged in so i can use my computer vs. my phone, but the time away from the computer has been good. Good enough to have me seriously thinking of limiting my time online, something I talk about a lot, but never follow through on. It feels different this time though. Everything is new, and I want to experience it. I have a lot of work ahead of me making this apartment into my home, but it is so much fun! Where does this fit, can I keep this, that looks great there…so many possibilities. I want to take those feelings, of possibilities, and get them back into my life in a real way, and constantly checking my FB page is not gonna do that for me.
I am back in my old ‘hood..I lived here all my 20’s and 30’s…until I married and Tom and I bought the house in Northridge. During this whole move I had this underlying fear, this voice telling me I was going backwards….back to this area. to an apartment, living alone, not having my own washing machine (well, that still really bugs me!)….almost like the last 20 years was a dream. I felt that way right up until Monday night, sitting here with all my “stuff”, experiencing the newness. It finally hit me that this was not backwards it was forward, forward motion into my own life. MY own life. I tout the AA saying of doing the “next right thing” or taking the “next indicated action, and that is exactly what I have done these last 6 months, leading me to this point in my life. It hasn’t always been easy and I have certainly fought against some of it, but always, in the end, I acceded to the Universe and the wonderful people it supplied for me and things fell into place. before I started to write this I was sitting here weeping. Not sad, grateful, just so grateful. Another thing I hear is accepting “life on life’s terms” and I am doing that, smack dab in the midst of doing that. I am astounded by how good life’s terms can be, having spent so long bemoaning my fate, hating my life and not accepting what was. What is. This way is so much better
I am just so grateful for my life today.
Even while, sitting on my balcony, I can hear the horrible band playing at the bar around the corner….interrupting my zen moment. Oh well. Hooked back up means TV too, and I have 3 episodes of Dexter to catch up on.
Ahhhh…the possibilities are endless!