The Garbage

I HATE taking the garbage out to the curb for garbage day…Wednesdays on my block.

I have always hated it and it was never my job. First it was Tom’s and then it was Wonder Boy’s.I will say that there have been numerous times over the years since it was solely the kid’s job that I have just had to do it myself. Those times I did it with great anger, or resignation, or utter defeat. Since he’s been gone it’s just what I have to do every week, but I still hate it.

Tonight I brought 2 very full trash cans down to the curb. I have been tossing stuff like crazy. They were really heavy and a pain in the ass to bring down.

After I finished I talked to a friend for a bit, and at one point during the call I choked. I have been living close to the edge of a cry for a very long time and often have those moments where I tear up at some stressor, something seemingly inconsequential, and that was what this felt like…a minor disturbance in the force.

After the call I sat down to write two lists: one a to-do list for tomorrow; if I don’t write stuff down it doesn’t get done, and the second a gratitude list. I have been writing a daily on-line gratitude list for quite a while now. There have been different people involved to varying degrees, and I have dropped off of some of them, but this one is great and I love writing it and reading theirs…a group of strong women who I respect and admire and who all have a lot to be grateful for, even when they don’t.

As I was writing it and being grateful, the truth hit me…or the obvious, I guess.

I only have to take the trash down to the curb 2 more times. There are only 2 more Tuesday nights that I will have to drag those cans down to the street, smelly and gross and loaded with whatever.

I cancelled my pool service today. I called Direct TV to see what I had to do about canceling that.  Called At&T about my internet and to see whether my new place can have the same service. I have to go to the Post Office to put a hold on my mail. I need to contact the Gas Co. and DWP with a change of service. I have to request a refund of money from my home insurance companies and cancel them. I need to change my address with so many places.

 

I only have to take my trash to the curb twice more.

I only GET to do that.

Twice more, two more Tuesdays.

 

Signing off, can’t see to type. Shit’s getting real.

 

 

 

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4 Comments

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  1. I love this post so much!!! I’m so excited for you & I love you so much.

  2. What a great post. You keep inspiring me with your gratitude list, too. I’d like to do that. And I have to ask, did you ever read Shel Silverstein poems? In particular, the one that begins, “Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout would not take the garbage out…”?! Your post reminded me of the poem, and the towering illustration of trash that accompanied it…such a funny reminder! In addition to finding gratitude (you better make those last two trash runs ceremonious!) I also took from your post the significance of your move, the importance of “taking the garbage out” metaphorically: shuffling out the old to make room for the new….

  3. HAH!
    I love Shel Silverstein and quickly ran to find the poem…..so funny. I obviously won’t meet a similar fate, tho sometimes it feels like it.
    Thanks for your comment..true all, tangible and metaphorical….but you know how to live in that space, where everything is loaded, where it catches you unawares…sometimes recognized, sometimes glossed over. Sigh…

    meanwhile, gratitude lists are great. Doing it with people is great for accountability, but all you need is a piece of paper and a pen and the will to find something good. Many times I am digging thru the shit for a pony, but if I even find a hoof I feel lucky!

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