I HATE taking the garbage out to the curb for garbage day…Wednesdays on my block.
I have always hated it and it was never my job. First it was Tom’s and then it was Wonder Boy’s.I will say that there have been numerous times over the years since it was solely the kid’s job that I have just had to do it myself. Those times I did it with great anger, or resignation, or utter defeat. Since he’s been gone it’s just what I have to do every week, but I still hate it.
Tonight I brought 2 very full trash cans down to the curb. I have been tossing stuff like crazy. They were really heavy and a pain in the ass to bring down.
After I finished I talked to a friend for a bit, and at one point during the call I choked. I have been living close to the edge of a cry for a very long time and often have those moments where I tear up at some stressor, something seemingly inconsequential, and that was what this felt like…a minor disturbance in the force.
After the call I sat down to write two lists: one a to-do list for tomorrow; if I don’t write stuff down it doesn’t get done, and the second a gratitude list. I have been writing a daily on-line gratitude list for quite a while now. There have been different people involved to varying degrees, and I have dropped off of some of them, but this one is great and I love writing it and reading theirs…a group of strong women who I respect and admire and who all have a lot to be grateful for, even when they don’t.
As I was writing it and being grateful, the truth hit me…or the obvious, I guess.
I only have to take the trash down to the curb 2 more times. There are only 2 more Tuesday nights that I will have to drag those cans down to the street, smelly and gross and loaded with whatever.
I cancelled my pool service today. I called Direct TV to see what I had to do about canceling that. Called At&T about my internet and to see whether my new place can have the same service. I have to go to the Post Office to put a hold on my mail. I need to contact the Gas Co. and DWP with a change of service. I have to request a refund of money from my home insurance companies and cancel them. I need to change my address with so many places.
I only have to take my trash to the curb twice more.
I only GET to do that.
Twice more, two more Tuesdays.
Signing off, can’t see to type. Shit’s getting real.