It’s late….

and I haven’t thought through a post for tonite, but have committed to a “blog30” so…..

First, let me note, that if I write these late at night they appear as the next day’s post, so it is 9:58 on Saturday night July 6. I don’t now why that happens, obviously WordPress is on EST, while I  am typing away in PST.

Tonite I am tired. It’s been a long day, starting with a wonderful meeting, then moving into apartment hunting and ending with a lovely going away/birthday double party with friends. I don’t really want to write, and after this I have a gratitude list to do (I had to write this first so I could put the fact that I did it on my gratitude list!), so I’m just going to write a little memory in honor of the 4th of July, even though it’s the 6th.

For years we had season tickets to Dodger games. We would split them with any number of other people, but usually kept about 10 games for ourselves. It was a kind of lottery system; everyone would write the games they wanted in descending order. The actual ticket holders would then match people with dates as best they could. We all pretty much got 6 or 7 out of the 10 we chose and we were all happy. I’m not a baseball fan at all, but OH I love Dodger stadium, the whole event! Driving in, Dodger dogs, seventh inning stretch, people watching…don’t ask me to watch a game on TV but bring me to a live one? I am right there. To be fair that isn’t just with baseball, I’m like that with basketball and hockey too, although I am much more likely to watch a play-off game of one of those on TV. Football? Forget about it in any form….hate that game.

Anyhow, we always asked for, and got one of the fireworks games. The Dodgers put on the best fireworks I have ever seen, bar none. Love the fireworks timed with the Philharmonic at the Hollywood Bowl, but the Dodger show is a step above. Fantastic fireworks, lots that I have never seen anywhere else, perfectly synchronized to blaring music. Really the best. Most of the fans crowd right down on the field to watch them but we never did. We would bring chairs, race to the car after the game and sit on top of the car or in the chairs in the parking lot, definitely the best vantage point and with the added value of being able to leave faster before everyone poured out of the stadium.

One year, probably when he was 4 or 5, we heard our son talking to himself during the firework show. As each firework would explode, he would name them. I do not remember a lot of the names, it was years ago, but I remember “Sprinklydots”, “Magician’s fire” and “bursters”. Tom and I were just delighted, as you can imagine. And when he saw we heard him he just kept right on going,  making up crazy and magical names for the incredible fireworks. He did it several years in a row, and we joined in, just soaking up the joy in those moments, laughing and getting crazier and crazier with the names. One year the fun of it wore off for him, and it stopped. But the memory of that….it stopped me in my tracks on the 4th. I was sitting in my driveway watching the scofflaw fireworks and those memories came flooding back.

It was delicious to remember that. It gave me such joy. I think it was no coincidence that the fireworks happened, that I was able to sit in the driveway of my home and watch, that I remembered this sweet time. I am leaving a huge part of myself here in this house, moving on to new and exciting changes and challenges. The kid is already gone into his new life, as has the husband (whatever/wherever that new life is). I’ve  felt, the last couple of days, a little like the fireworks, the memories they evoked and the feelings I had were a sort of send off, a sweet and loving message from the universe that everything good is still here even amidst the changes.

I know I wrote about a call to arms, but I think it was also a call to remember all that I had/have. An explosion of sprinklydots leading me into a new time in my life, brightening the way and grounding me in the idea that wherever I am, there I am.

And that just maybe there are more fireworks in store.

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3 Comments

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  1. M- This is a beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing. I reminds me to be present with my own little ones and treasure every moment I can. Having said that, I am excited for you. You are on the cusp of a beautiful new adventure. I can’t wait to read all about it. I am inspired by your courage.

  2. Sweet, sweet memories, and a lovely post. In have no doubt that the changes you are making will bring some new sparks to your life! I watched the fireworks from my house, somewhat tearfully, as my husband had some great names for them, too. My favorites were always the ones that rained down like showers of gold. My husband called those the “Basseys”, because they had all the glamour of Shirley Bassey’s unforgettable Goldfinger song…

    • That is brilliant!
      Bassey’s……what a guy!
      I will very sheepishly admit that my guy was alwyas the comedian, so he’d come up with some pretty rank names (some great ones too!) that he would share with me when my son couldn’t her.
      Those “Bassey’s” were called the obvious “Golden Showers”…..I much prefer yours.

      I am always so glad when you post. Please know that I am rooting from my space in the journey, watching your progress and (supposed) set-backs with great admiration of your courage. It is all the journey, and it is rough. But the only way to do it is to go through it, and you are doing such a good job.

      xo

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