June 9, 2013.
I signed an offer today for the house.
it’s astounding to me, the fact of it. So many levels of amazement. It’s a huge step, needed for a long time.
I was dying here. Unable to go back and unable to go forward. I was in a holding pattern. Now I’m not. Now I am, frankly, scared shitless because the train is picking up speed and it is barreling full speed ahead. I am not there yet, a full few steps behind, but I gotta catch up or be dragged under.
I know I’ve written here before about winks; those messages I get from Tom or others who have died. My thoughts are also changing about coincidences; meditation, asking for help from the Universe, asking for answers from my highest self…these things are changing my outlook on a number of things and helping me to build a trust in a greater good that I never knew before. Helping me become more open to possibilities and positively face things rather than negatively run from them. My belief in a Higher Power outside of myself is not there, but in me, in the Universe? I am coming to an acceptance of the unknown that is helping me live.
I have a story to tell here, and I need to use real names. Not like a lot of people read this blog, but anonymity, right?
Today I needed to let a couple into my house with their contractor. They were going to submit their final bid but wanted to check out a couple of things before they did. My realtor wasn’t available so I said I’d do it and then leave when they got here. Well, they brought their kids, 2 adorable children and they were so cute and the parents so nice and I found myself hoping they would submit a new bid with the top price because this is what I wanted, a young family in the house that nurtured my family, that held so much love.
My realtor called me and they came to the right terms and I said “SOLD”! So the process has started and I signed the agreement and she told them I accepted their offer and now I have a buyer. While I was signing the paperwork I saw the man’s name but just wasn’t paying attention, I was trying to make sense of it all, to not fall apart and to stay calm and clear.
Here is where I will tell a story:…my parents were both actors and both had stage names as well as real names. My mom’s real name was Marian Edith FARRELL. She was the Irish to my dad’s Italian. Her stage name was PATRICIA McKaye, and she was always known by that….everyone called her Patti. I NEVER heard anyone call her Marian, that kid was long gone.
After my realtor left, I admit to falling apart. Really. I called a sober friend and I called my 2 best friends I have know for years. I cried and let them pep talk me. I hit my knees (child’s pose) and asked for help from the Universe. I calmed down and then would start crying again. It was ok. The feelings were ok. I felt like drinking but then realized I wouldn’t know what feeling I needed to numb out…the sadness, fear, elation, relief….so it passed very quickly. I need a goal, you know?
Anyway, my realtor left about 4:30 and at about 6:30 I get an email from her, actually several, all cc’d to me and the buyer with different agreements that he needed to sign. As I looked at the cc, his name hit me like a ton of bricks….
That’s a pretty damn fine wink, hell, it’s a TNT blast. It got my attention big time. And you know what? I told a few people and I have been feeling calm and content ever since I saw this.
I have a card that I love, and on the front it says “life’s too mysterious, don’t take it serious”. That mystery touched me deeply today, and I am taking it seriously. A sign. A sense that the right thing has been done, that the Universe is joining me in this endeavor and I can trust in a good outcome. That’s where I want to be…in the good, in the right outcome, in the trust.
That is exactly where I am, today, this minute.
Grateful to and humbled by something I do not understand, but that I am trusting nonetheless.