Sitting in my hotel room in Santa Fe.
It’s 11 am and I’ve had a lovely breakfast and am just waiting. Eve and Charley’s wedding is today and I don’t have to leave until 1:15, and as much work as I need to do to get ready, well, I have a little time to write!
Albuquerque is gorgeous little town, and hanging with Nan and D.A was so fun. After Santa Fe I will be back with them for a few days, and I STILL haven’t planned my return home, but, fuck it…those are details. I am trying to stay in the big picture. And the big picture is wonderful!
After checking into the hotel In Santa Fe my friend Bill and I headed for the city. It is truly gorgeous, lots of little streets feeding of a main plaza. We didn’t have much time, but had a lovely lunch and went to the Georgia O’Keefe museum. Loved that..love her work. It was fun being with Bill because he is a photographer and knows about artistic things; light, color, mood, etc. I know about those things in my heart, what I like, what moves me. But Bill told me why some things moved me, why they were so special. It enhanced my enjoyment…that huge part of me that wants to always know why was satisfied. And the part of me that doesn’t care why, that just wants to feel was satisfied too…though less happy when we got to the museum store and the 2 paintings I wanted to buy a copy or card or SOMETHING of were not available. The museum workers said that meant that the people who owned them wouldn’t allow them to be reprinted. I understand that, the hoarding to oneself of the joy and the beauty, but I don’t want that in MY life anymore and wish that those collectors felt the same way, were willing to share. But…in actuality they did share, they loaned the paintings. The appreciation is more ephemeral because it will be only in my memory, but maybe that’s the best way anyway, or at least the way it’s supposed to be.
It’s interesting, this travelling alone. I have always loved it so much, but this trip is pointing up things to me that are not so good about it. Things as simple as wanting pictures of incredible views I saw while driving, signs…entering Arizona and New Mexico… me in pictures (if I’m not in the picture was I really there?). The times I have been with people have been great, and when I am alone I find myself engaging people, trying to talk for a minute, even if just to express, out loud, the beauty I’m seeing, a feeling I’m having. Strangers. Some have talked to me, some smile and nod politely.
The museum was a great case in point. I was able to experience that out loud. With someone. I cracked silly jokes and learned about the art and now, for years, if I want to talk about that museum, or a piece of art, I will be able to; it was a shared experience. I like travelling alone, but not having shared experiences is, is…hard? painful? It is what it is, but it’s not ideal I guess.
On this part of the trip it’s like old home week with the Whack Pack…most of them anyway. It’s fun and it’s funny. And it’s interesting how some things never change…both good and bad. Bad directions from the bad direction king, bitching from the bitching queen…I can hear Tom in my head laughing and cursing. And I’m looking at the big picture
The big picture is the gratitude for what IS. With this group I have a million shared experiences, things to talk about, bitch about and, especially, laugh about. And so much of it is ephemeral, that snapshot in my mind, that untaken picture that I’ll just have to remember because so much of life , the best parts, are lived without a camera but with a memory.
I would rather have the memory. Even as those memories shift and change and evoke different feelings and moods, they seem to be the reality . They are.
And so what if i don’t have a picture of the “welcome to whatever state” sign? I was there. I WAS. There.