Tuesday September 25, 2012
I’m writing this in word and will have to transfer it to my blog.
I am in Sedona, Arizona. I’m at the beginning of a road trip that will include Albuquerque and Santa Fe and Taos and who knows where else. I am on the road babay!
It’s interesting because I am definitely not a desert person. I find the landscape hard and ugly, the heat oppressive and I have always just naturally been drawn to the ocean or a mountain lake area. The drive here did not really change my mind, and I’m pretty sure the drive from here into New Mexico and the long drive home are not going to be mind changers either.
But when I tell you that Sedona is quite possibly the most breathtakingly beautiful place I have ever seen, well, that’s something. I’m staying in a little B and B my friend suggested to me and it is awesome, AND, it is on a creek. So there is the water in my desert landscape, and I’m grateful for it. I can hear the water as I type and it’s wonderful.
Last night I went to bed at 9pm and slept, soundly, until about 6 his morning. I had been stressed the last few days getting ready and tying things up, and that sleep really helped. This little first phase of my trip is definitely to relax. It’s 7:45 right now, and I’m sure when I’m through writing I will hit the bed again. I am just tired. Tired sleepy and tired tired, you know? Tired of a lot of things in my life, ready to make some changes, and this trip will hopefully help me think and sort out and make some plans.
Tomorrow I head into New Mexico to stay a few days with my friend Nancy. I have known here for over 30 years. We did theatre together and we now play poker together…well, she plays whenever she is in town, but we’ve played for years. She is amazing, far younger than her age (except for her stubborn political views!) , beautiful and a truly great friend. I’m staying with her 2 days in Albuquerque, then headed into Santa Fe for the wedding of another long time friends daughter.
The Santa Fe part of the trip will definitely be the most whirlwind…with a cocktail party wedding and reunion of sorts for a number of us. The reunion is of the “whack pack”, though without Tom and Glenn, it’s no real reunion. But it will be fun, and it will be interesting. Steve and Gilmer now live in Kentucky, Terry is not around much, nor is John or Bill. Jon has been on tour with The Wall and Susan, well,she’s my best bud from the group. Morgan and Lillian will be there too…I’m not sure what to say about the way they have basically disappeared from so many of our lives, but I guess we’ll see how it goes.
Tom and Glenn are both, of course, dead. Definitely makes for an imperfect reunion, and I have a feeling there will be some feelings around that on all of our parts.
This is incredbly dry, factual, just getting down the logistics but my experience so far has not been.
The drive here was LONG and deserty, but I had 3 Joni Mitchell CD’s in the player, along with 3 more self-made eclectic CD’s, and I sang and rocked out all the way here. As I got closer into the Flagstaff area I kept seeing the signs for the Grand Canyon, and I certainly have to make a point to stop on this trip. Never have seen it; probably should. It also got prettier, greener (higher elevation), and then I was on the road into Sedona which goes down, windy and fast and is lush and green and foresty and then…WHAM!!…you see these rocks, this red, and it is unreal. I kept pulling off to the side of the road to take bad pictures with my iphone. I was gobsmacked! And have stayed in that amazement since I’ve been here. I cannot recommend coming here any more highly, and I am surely grateful that I did. I’ll never forget it, and I already want to come back.
Of course, Tom came too…I’m sure he’d enjoy the creek and I plan on planting a bit of him there. When I come back he’ll be here. I love taking him places with me, scattering him wherever I go. I know it’s just ashes, but it’s tangible, and that’s important to me,the girl who needs an answer for everything and knows there just isn’t anymore.
I had an interesting experience on the drive here. Stopped for a bathroom break in a teeny little desert town somewhere before Needles. As I left the gas station/market, a woman was walking out with a little girl, about 2, in her arms. She waved at me and I waved back and said hi and then added that my son just turned 20 and how I loved the little ones. The woman stopped and started talking to me, and I mean Talking. She cried, she talked about her frustration with being tied to a little one, her anger at her husband, I mean…it was wild. But I just listened; and i guess that was what I was supposed to do. She left happier, determined to get her kid in a mommy and me to meet other moms, and I left feeling like I had been of service. It was good, and set a wonderful tone for my trip.
I need to be of service to everyone I meet and am with this week, friends and strangers. And myself too…I need to be helpful and kind to myself. I caught myself tonite denigrating me…fat, old, all the stuff, the old, boring stuff. The old feelings, the old tapes, the “not enough” shit. I think that’s what I meant at the beginning of this….that I am just tired, so tired. I’d like this trip to kickstart me into a new phase, a new place. I’m not sure what, but something has to give. This trip feels big in some way, though have no idea how. And maybe it won’t be…the work has to be done no matter what. But I like the idea of a solo road trip starting me on a bigger trip; it’s a romantic notion and I like romantic notions.
So we’ll see. It definitely is going to be an adventure, just the doing is an adventure.
It’s 8:30 and I’m going to get into bed with my Kindle and read for a while. My iphone gets spotty connection here, but the computer doesn’t get any internet, which is fine. I’ve still been far too glued to it, but hopefully less as I go on.
And now it’s Wednesday morning and I’m about to check out.
If you are ever in Sedona, the Briar Patch Inn is a wonderful place to stay.
This morning I got up early again and went to the creek to meditate, to think, to be grateful and to scatter.
I found a beautiful red rock right by the rushing water and I put a little Tom there. Close to the water, which he would love. And under a red rock, the gorgeous symbol of Sedona. I then walked to the little bridge that crosses a very small and calm part of the creek that leads to the “swimming hole ” on one side and the rushing creek straight ahead. I placed Tom right at the edge of the bridge…so serene, so calm and yet right in the heart of things, right where everyone will cross to check out the creek. He would love that. s Saying hi to all and knowing their stories in the way that he always could and surely now can, being part of it all.
I miss that man every day, every day.
And now…onward and upward!
Off to Albuquerque to meet up with Nanner…can’t wait! On the way out of town I will stop at a place called “Sliding Rock”….the first sight that made me pull off the road as I came through the canyon. I couldn’t get a good picture but today I will. And then back on the road, another deserty road…sigh….
It’s good to be alive, it’s good to be me!