Oh. My .God.
Unless you are very lucky and happen to stumble (and I mean that pretty literally) over someone, or you are even luckier and have a friend who has a friend (I am not so lucky), at my age this means internet dating.
Match. com, OKCupid, PlentyOFFish, EHarmony, J Date. Pick a site, any site.
They all suck. Probably not the best attitude to go into dating with, but it’s like my armor, like a wet-suit to blunt the freezing waters as I surf my way through them.
I am a serial dater. I tend to go in spurts…lots of dates (and don’t be happy for me, lots of ONE dates) and then a long time of laying low, licking my wounds, getting up the nerve to jump back in. And dating with me is such an interesting thing. I get so upset with people who do not write back to me when I venture out there. I immediately go to “what’s wrong with them, they’d be lucky to have me” mode, and then if they DO write back I go into “oh, god, I am not good enough, I’m too fat, too old, etc”..do I really need to list that list?
But I keep doing it, and am constantly frustrated. I was talking to a friend at a party last night (a party I went to ONLY because I thought maybe there would be some men my age there, and there were, lots of them. With their wives) and was telling him my woes. It feels like what I am up against here is that most men my age who are divorced are bitter and also feel that they deserve a younger woman. So the 60 year olds want 40 year olds. And, if the 60 year old is decent looking and, especially, seems to have $$, well, the 40 year olds will go for it. So, what’s left? The 60 year olds who are actually closer to 70, and of course you don’t see this until you meet them. IF you get by their censors, which..who the heck knows.
I admit to looking at the pictures first. Of course. But unless the person is hideous, I will read the profile. And if the guy makes me laugh, or seems interesting enough, like I could TALK to him (which doesn’t seem very much to ask for, but you’d be surprised), I might send him a note. And then he won’t write back and that’ll be that. And I just don’t get that. Because why are they online then? I mean, how hard would a cup of coffee be? That’s all I want, maybe some lunch and conversation. But I don’t think the guys think that way (do they EVER fucking grow up?). I think they look and decide is she worth sleeping with and decide that way. I have not read a mans profile that didn’t make some sort of mention of sex, either looking for someone who is “a good kisser”, “enjoys intimacy”, whatever. I don’t mention that, neither do most of the women I talk to who are doing this. Not that I don’t think about it, of course I do. But isn’t all of that implied in dating? I mean, if you hit it off you get some action, has that ever NOT been the case?
So I don’t want to know about how physically fit you are and how you like sex, I want to know if you read. If you have a sarcastic sense of humor like I do. What kind of music you like and why. What your politics are. Seduce me with your mind and your words and my laughter.
I’m lonely. I want to connect again with a man. I’ve had one relationship since Tom died and it was good but it was too soon and there was too much other drama going on in my life. Was that it? Because it feels unacceptable to me that I am through, that I need to pack it in, give up, swallow my sexuality and call it a day. But it’s starting to feel like that, and it really makes me sad.
I wanted to write a funny post today…I have one in me about internet dating, truly. But this is what came out, so there you go.
I’m thinking about this because I just called someone, a man I met online. I liked his profile, I liked his taste in music, I liked that he had some interests that I am also fascinated by. I really liked that he’s 62 and put an age range of 50-62, unusual, that. We have emailed twice, short notes, saying nothing. I worked up the nerve to call and he wasn’t home. I left a message and I guess we’ll see if he calls. I hope he does.
He’s really goofy looking.