Avoidance is something I do, and do well.
My life has been filled with good this last week, overwhelming and sweet and good.
I’m avoiding writing about it because of still feeling like I’m telling on myself.
Because I’m private and the whole blog thing is disconcerting.
Because I don’t want to let people in, even the few that even read this.
So I guess I’m just holding this space for myself. For the time I get braver and more open.
Suffice it to say that it has been a very good week. Lots of fun and surprises and emotions and happy, lots of happy. Good actions beget good results. Good results are happening. Things are changing. Things are not perfect, but they are changing and change is good. I used to think change was bad, I wanted things to stay the same But that can’t be, and so embracing change and finding the good in it is the way to go, the way to make it ok. I say I pray to be changed in unimaginable ways…that is the truth. I already have been, and it’s not bad, so bring it the fuck on.
On march 21 I turned 1 year sober. It was a big deal. I have been feted by wonderful women and friends from different areas and tatooed bikers…my peeps. Guess that’s outing myself big time, and not avoiding. I guess there really is no point in having a blog if I don’t tell the truth, or at least my truth, now.
There’s so much more to do, but this is such a leap in the right direction. Staying centered and focussed and sober, I think there will be no stopping me.
So, that’s that. I’m grateful to be sober today. I’m happy..not all the time, but sometimes. And I knew, KNEW, that I would never be happy again after Tom died. But it is possible, and that is a gift.
I want to get some of my other writing done, my stories. I think I just couldn’t concentrate until I talked about this….this big thing. This wonderment.