life, meditation, open, practice, sobriety, Spew, yoga

The Best Laid Plans

I am not someone who enjoys having their plans fucked-up.

Does that surprise you?  I’M AN ALCOHOLIC!  C’mon!

In my last post I was writing about being in a state of high dudgeon.

Consider me now in a state of…well, truthfully, today?  Calm acceptance.

But Wednesday evening  and part of yesterday? High Dudgeon , Higher, Highest Dudgeon! OUTRAGE! UNFAIR! WTF!  WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?  Crying myself to sleep…

but, yeah, I’m over it. Calm acceptance, making peace with what IS, being here now…such good lessons to learn.

I got a call from the owner of the yoga studio that there were not enough people enrolled in the Fall teacher training so they were cancelling it.

I KNOW!!!! DAMMIT!! SO UNFAIR I COULD JUST SCREAM!!!!….wait, pranayama, a little yoga breathing, settle down.

Ah….

I’m not gonna lie and say that I am not supremely disappointed, I definitely am. But the truth is that the next training is in January, which is only 4 months away and I can do that one. Even though I had mentaLLY PREPARED AND PSYCHED MYSELF…(breathe!)…up for this one, there is another coming soon and I am already signed up.

This is where I get to practice those yogic principles that I am so eager to delve into, to meditate more and to practice more. I think about January and I remember where I was ability wise last November when I started and I see how much more prepared I will be. And, in the same week that this happened I found a new class and teacher that I had never taken before and I’m a little in love with her…so I can learn all I can and then just learn even more when the training starts.

I really am ok with it now, and I really was NOT ok with it for about 24 hours. I didn’t write about it then because it would have been a screed and I don’t do those anymore. But I thought it all, and you know what? That’s ok. Know what else I did? I got the call at 4:30 on wednesday and at 5:30 I was in a yoga class. I cried through a lot of it, but afterwards the teacher, my friend Aimee, sat with me. She was going to assist and it screwed up her plans too. And that helped me remember, as in everything, it’s not only happening to me, that there are others involved in whatever drama I have in my life and that, once again, I am never alone.

I nursed my indignation until my 4 pm yoga class yesterday with Abbie and then I just left it on the mat. That’s where it started and stopped for me, in yoga, in sevasana, in meditation.

I need to regroup around the next few months. I’m not a fan of the holiday season and having a lot of time on my hands (I have way too much as it is), and so I need to make some sort of plan. And I need to remember that attachment to any plan is folly. I can make them, I can see them through often, but I cannot be attached to them because things change.  “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans” (thank you John!)

Which is the beauty of and the hideous truth about life, things can change in an instant and what am I left with?

Calm acceptance. The breathe. The practice of yoga and the practice of life. Equanimity and compassion for myself and others, and the sure knowledge that I will be able to find some meaning from this at some point.

Hopefully in how awesome the January training is going to be!

 

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11 thoughts on “The Best Laid Plans

  1. Frustrating! Ironically, my post this morning was about (among other things) patient acceptance. I was so happy to read that you had decided to train as a yoga teacher. You’ll get there. And in retrospect, maybe you’ll see this trial, and your hard work to deal with it calmly, as an integral part of your training as a yogi-to-be.

  2. I hate when my plans are changed too — through no fault of my own. HATE it. But sounds like an excellent opportunity to practice calm acceptance. Lessons from the Universe. I must be a really slow learner, lol, because it keeps testing me.

    Sounds like January is perfect though. It really does.

    • mishedup says:

      everything is an opportunity to grow, right?
      I just wish i didn’t have to grow so damn much! lol….

      i’m at peace now…january will be perfect, that is a awful month for me and so i will be occupied, and god knows i have enough that can keep me busy until then.
      staying open, saying yes

      xo

  3. There is nothing that drives me battier then when somethind doesn’t happen ACCORDING TO MY SCHEMES AND DESIGNS….lol. Calm acceptance. Getting better at it. Still have my moments of blowing my top, internally or externally (or usually both). It’s a form of “don’t you know who I AM?” ha ha. My righteous indignation goes over the top and then I reel it in and see that i can be an ass, and while things may not be going according my MY plan, they are going according to some plan. Just not mine. Le Sigh.

    Great post…sorry to hear about the yoga class!!

    • mishedup says:

      you know what’s cool though….
      just exactly how fast I get over , and even the actual excitant of my indignation!
      i try to not let things get me too frazzled because i know i have to accept them so why waste the energy?
      “acceptance is the key..”

  4. Things happen as they are supposed to.
    I know, sounds trite, but it helps me to think this when things don’t go as I think they should.

    Have you considered training through a different studio? Going somewhere to train?

    Our teacher came to is from Hawaii. Her studio is called maya yoga. She does teacher training there. In some ways I think going away for training would be the best way to do it.
    Just a thought!

    January will be here soon enough and you might like having a new activity for a new year!!!

    Anne

    • mishedup says:

      January will be here soon enough….
      I love my studio so I want to train with those teachers. I live in L.A. so there are a bunch of other trainings i could take, but the place is MY place, you know?

      altho, hawaii….hmmmm…..

  5. Such is life, huh? Sucker punching our little plans & designs. Pisser & will make sense.
    Glad you left it on the mat. Excited to see you on our mats tomorrow night. Cocoon

  6. “Calm acceptance. The breathe. The practice of yoga and the practice of life. Equanimity and compassion for myself and others, and the sure knowledge that I will be able to find some meaning from this at some point.”

    This little ditty is going up on my board. Thank you, Michele. xo

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